Just be here.

Last weekend I went on a trip…by myself…as in no kids in tow. As I went through airport security I looked behind me and saw my babies faces smooshed against the glass window. They waved goodbye and with a bit of guilt I thought

“what am I doing?”

It’s been 9 years since I’ve boarded a plane.

The last time I boarded a plane they didn’t charge you to check a bag.

The last time I boarded a plane I wasn’t a mom.

The last time I boarded a plane I had no thoughts of what if the plane explodes.

The last time I boarded a plane I didn’t feel guilt.

This time though…everything had changed – planes, me, my station in life and why I was going – all changed.

In the past I’ve travelled to see family or friends or to vacation in a new place. This time I was going by myself to discover something or better yet – to confirm something.

This time I wasn’t roaming through streets or going on tours or scouting out the best eats.

This time I was going to enter into a room with 700 other women who long

To just write.

To be honest about life’s questions

And write

To share life’s aches, aha’s, unknowns

And write

To console someone

And write

To encourage

And write

To share the human experience

And just write.

To tell a good story.

As I sat in track after track with women from all walks, all ages and stations of life one thing stood out over and over –

Live a good story.

These were words spoken from one of our mentor writers Alicia Bruxsworth at the Proverbs 31 She Speaks Conference. The phrase rang through me like a melody.  She said

“In order to write a good story you have to live it first.  Just live a good story.”

The reason this rang true for me is because I am such an internal processor, day dreamer, guilt monger type of creature and I have always found myself in a multitude of extremes – struggling to be here…right now.

The phrase “Live a good story” brought me back to that needed reminder of being present in all places of life.

To be present in joy.

To be present when it feels mundane

To be present in hope.

To be present in pain.

When we were about 3 or 4 years into our infertility journey I remember being on a bike ride with my husband.  I was beyond consolable at this stage. I was angry and hurting.  I was tired from doctors visits, financial woes and disappointment. I was worried about many things.  The thing is, my husband was right in front of me.  I was breathing.  I was alive and yet somehow quite asleep to what was in front of me.  I wasn’t living in the moment that I was in.  Kevin knew my mind was pacing and racing and he lovingly said to me

“just be here right now”

I am reminded of the story in Luke 10 of Mary and Martha :

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Oh to be less Martha and more Mary and to “just be here” and yet I find I fight with both.  I want to be present, here, in the moment and yet long to  Do, fix, heal, change….Sometimes just being is the doing that we need.

Poor Martha gets a bad rap sometimes because she was busy, she was trying to make everything right, fixing, arranging – striving.  Martha was looking ahead.  I know her…I get her, she wrestles with stillness.  I think Martha loved Jesus and wanted to do in order to be seen by Him, perhaps she didn’t realize that her just being still was enough.

There is a time to be still and a time to move.

I adore motherhood and yet there are times when I’m making peanut butter sandwiches or cleaning up raisins from under the cushions of my couch I find myself wanting to get back to writing or the recording or heck, lets be honest – drinking an entire cup of coffee hot without interruptions is a daydream at times.

On the flip side when I am away from my kids doing those things I find myself fretting that I am a horrible mother riddled with guilt for needing time to exhale.

I have to remind myself that there are times to dive into creativity, dreams and goals and there are times when singing a lullaby to my 3 year old is more important.

There is a time to try and a time to let go.

Maybe you’re here…a restless soul who needs to be reminded just like me ‘to just be here’

Living a good story means being present wherever you are instead of wishing you were somewhere else.

We all want to write the chapters before we’ve actually lived the paragraphs. Be here.

Living a good story means living the story you have been given instead of wanting someone else’s chapters.  Its easy to think you want someone else’s story when you look at their success but with that you have to live their scars…I don’t want your scars and trust me you don’t want mine…so we are to live our own.

Living a good story means learning from it.

Living a good story means sharing it with others.

Here…now…wherever you’ve been placed ‘just be here’ in the moments of now…not tomorrow for tomorrow will have enough words of its own.

Just Be Here…now.

 

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8