I know

Something happens.

Something beautiful happens when your child knows who they are.

Something beautiful happens when your child knows their worth.

Something beautiful happens when your child knows and accepts that they are loved.

A couple of days ago my 4 year old Milena was dancing around as per usual in one of her 57 princess dresses. I was admiring her as she danced. She wasn’t counting steps, consumed with trips or falls, she wasn’t aware of herself…at all. I found it to be so incredibly beautiful to watch her be completely free. I felt like my heart would explode out of my chest as I watched her waltz in freedom and I just said “Milena, I love you. You are a princess”

Her reply “I know mommy. I love you too”

I know.

She said I know.

I know.

She knows.

She didn’t change the subject.

She didn’t say “no you don’t”.

She didn’t say ‘but look at this rip or that spot’.

She didn’t deflect her beauty or worth.

She didn’t reject that she was beloved.

She didn’t stop dancing.

She moved in and with freedom.

She just said she knew.

She knew.

Do you know?

I mean …really. Do you know?

Do you know that you are beheld by a love that longs to see you dance with freedom?

Do you know that you are watched by a love that sighs with joy and hope as they behold your being?

Do you know that you are clothed in beauty and splendor..and can you accept it?

Do you move in and with this love?

Do you?

Can you receive it?

Do you know?  I think most know somewhere but sometimes the things of life become bigger than the knowing of this.  Past pain, present struggle, the search for significance becomes a burden that blinds and deafens our spirit to see that we have already been taken, called and loved from the very beginning.  We know and yet our knowing easily gets snatched from our hearts as we are taunted by the exterior trappings of flesh and the world around us.

This past weekend I had the privilege to lead worship at a women’s conference at our church which served over 6000 women. There was a specific moment in worship that shook me to my core. From the hairs on my head to the earth beneath my feet…I knew.

I absolutely knew.

I knew as myself and thousands of other women from different walks of life, different stories, different generations all proclaimed
You split the sea so I could walk right through it
All my fears are drowned in perfect love
You rescued me so I can stand and sing
I am a child of God

In that moment of proclamation I believe oceans of pain, rejection, insecurity, brokeness, lack, frailty, addiction, struggle, sinfulness ALL washed into a sea that swallowed us in perfect love….all of us…at the same time in and through each moment of our being said with full confidence “I know”.

In a moment.

We knew.

In that moment I believe there was no striving, no comparing, no judgement, no rejection, no wrestling, no fear…
In a moment we were moved in freedom, fully loved, fully received, fully receiving our beloved nature as children of God.

Oh how I need that moment to walk into my bones and stick for the eternity that it was handed to me.

Oh how I need to let go of mishaps and failures, shortcomings, expectations of people, unforgiveness, bitterness, the claws of fear that cling to my heart and rob me of that knowing that I am beloved by the one who literally parted seas to swallow my fear, trampled giants that were after my heart and called me a child of redemption, royalty and beauty.

Stay there. I want that moment to stay there and cling to my heart bigger than fear, bigger than uncertainty, bigger than bitterness, bigger than pride, bigger than my idols, bigger than the woes of the world around me and I want it to stay there…I want it to stay there so

I will dance in freedom.

So I will stand wrapped in perfect love that seeps into the deepest parts of me that I can say

I know…and really mean it.. not just for a moment, not just when I’m feeling empowered by a song, not just when people are loving me well, not just when dreams are realized, not just when I’m standing tall, not just when I have it figured out, not just when I feel in control, not just when the sun shines…but all the forever days in between…

in the uncertain moments

when the music isn’t playing

when I’m to much

when I’m not enough

when loved ones fail me

when insecurity tries to choke my heart

when doubt tries to steal my faith

when yesterday tries rob me of the present

when tomorrow feels frightening

when the world around me isn’t as it should be

when I’m stuck between the now and not yet

when I’m everything over, under and between all that I ‘should’ be – I still want to say

I know.

I know that I’m a child of God.

I know that I have been chosen.

I know that I am delighted by the King.

 

I know this…and I want to keep knowing this over and over and over again so that instead of counting steps, pointing out rips and spots on my dress I can just be…simply a child of God who knows.

Oh how thankful I am for a God who doesn’t tire of reminding me that I am His. Oh how gracious is this love that pursues me through song, through silence, through people, through words, through sorrow, through joy, through my inadequacies, through my doubt,  through it all to remind me to know that I am His.

I think of my sweet Milena dancing freely knowing that she is loved and the picture that I was to see in the eyes of my heart that day of the freedom that comes from this knowing and receiving.  Its deep in her, nothing in her competes with her understanding and acceptance of this love – she just is.

At nearly 40 I still wrestle with things around me that long to compete for my knowing that I am already free…already loved…and yet He finds me over and over to remind me…this is the love of the Father.

He finds you.  He pursues you.  He calls you His.  He looks tenderly upon you.  Know this…know this.

“He looks tenderly upon my hands and my feet.  He hears my voice, the beating of my heart, and my very breathing.  I do not love myself better than He loves me” John Henry Newman

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, He gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
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